The Blog of Lies

Diva Licks a Head

Diva Licks a Head

I am completely busted tired. I am not even certain I will be able to finish this blogpost, but I am going to give it my best try. I hope I don’t blather on. The reason I am so tired is because I was dogsitting […]

Morton Huseman Has a Girlfriend: The Retracted Blogpost Reposted

Morton Huseman Has a Girlfriend: The Retracted Blogpost Reposted

Seven years ago when I first published this post, I was advised by my agent and my editor to pull it, so I did. But 7 years have passed and people have died and so I’m reposting it. Morton Huseman has a girlfriend. She is […]

The Incident in the Lunchroom

The Incident in the Lunchroom

First, let me apologize for my long bloghiatus. I just regained use of my fingers after the incident in the Lunch Room. Second, I would like to interject that with all the taxes we pay, we really shouldn’t have to volunteer in the Lunch Room […]

Year-Long Jack-O-Lantern Supply

Year-Long Jack-O-Lantern Supply

I have a big problem. I big, big problem. Today started off okay, I mean, considering how it ended up. Like, when I woke, the sky was not purple, so I figured no more houseguests would arrive. Also, I didn’t have the tingling feeling in my lips […]

Morton Huseman Mystery Solved

Morton Huseman Mystery Solved

I solved the Morton Huseman mystery. He scares me, though I am trying not to send too much energy to the cold feeling in my spine. Morton Huseman is a friend of Pepe’s. This would be reason enough for alarm bells to go off, but […]

Authentic Medieval Shepherds Pie

Authentic Medieval Shepherds Pie

Yesterday was the Medieval Festival at my girl’s school. Apparently I signed up to support this event by bringing a dish. I do not remember doing this. I think it was my neighbor’s neighbor’s wife who put my name in. She resents my saucy attitude […]

The Dead Fish

The Dead Fish

My neighbor’s neighbor just came by to “see the fishtank.” I stood in the doorway with my bathrobe on and smiled and blinked. Really I couldn’t believe he was standing there asking to see my fishtank, and he was wearing a smug look. His look […]

Perpetuating the Myth That I am Crazy

Perpetuating the Myth That I am Crazy

Today I had to dig out the car. Well, the car was in the garage, but I had to dig out the driveway. I spent nearly an hour looking for the snow shovel. I didn’t find it and I went up the street and borrowed […]

Tyrone the Houseguest

Tyrone the Houseguest

Tyrone is my new houseguest, and I believe he has Pepe in a twist. Tyrone is not blind so I will not talk about his pelvis, which isn’t bulgy anyway. Oh. My apologies. Tyrone would like me to take that back, he insists his pelvis […]

Pepe the Houseguest

Pepe the Houseguest

I have a houseguest whose names is Pepe. This is ridiculous enough, but it’s worse. He wears pants that are too small in the entire pelvic region, front and back; really too narrow describes them better than too small and if you can imagine, this makes his […]